Category Archives: Uncategorized

Holiday Grief

What does it feel like to grieve during the holidays?

My experience of holiday day grief …

It feels over whelming and painful, like it does when your head goes under a wave and the pressure coming down on you smashes your face into the sand and you loose all orientation of your surroundings and fail to take a relieving breath. It engulfs your entire being filling you with loneliness and despair that is indescribable, linguistics fail in every moment. There is no explanation or thought coherent enough to provide understanding. No comfort. No relief. No reprieve. Nothing liberates you from the difficult sensations permeating your very existence. You are left with nothing other than pain. This pain cuts to the depth of your soul that has been torn, shredded, and frayed beyond recognition.

wave

 

Pretty awful huh! Yup, it hurts.

  •  What is a person to do?
  • How do we move through this pain?
  • Where is the relief?
  • Who do we turn to?
  • Why would you even want to?

 

In the coming days I will be addressing each of these questions from my personal perspective, and experience.  This is a journey that I did not choose, it was forced upon me and now it is my responsibility to make a choice. How will I handle this? I am not asking for advice nor understanding, all I ask for is witness to my pain and healing as I grow and develop into who God would have me be.

King of Kings

Lord, you are the king of every realm  of which I have any knowledge. You are over everything of which I have no knowledge. You are above every living thing because you created them and give them life. Everything that exists is sustained by you. You are before the beginning of everything I know. Your understanding surpasses all I have ever imagined. You are the all-knowing and all-powerful being i…n whose image you have created me and you have revealed Yourself to me as my friend. You are my God and my friend. May I always hold you in a place of awe and yet grow in the appreciation I feel that you would love me as you do and value your friendship with me. Continue to teach me to more completely value this friendship and more fully rely upon you as my God and my  friend. Help me, this day, to gain a better understanding of your plans for me and to work together with you in their realization. You make available the power, wisdom, resources and vision to be certain that your plans become reality. You are King over all you have made.  You are my King. May your kingship be evident in every aspect of my life this day. At every turn, may I see the evidences of your great power and authority and give you glory.  Amen!

Sufficient Grace

The emotion I feel right now engulfs me,
cascading anger, fear, doubt and loneliness
I fear the unthinkable and dread the tomorrow
Just another day of Tormenting resolute, tenacious torture
Stripping me of the very thing I hold dearest to my heart
My love, my endearing mate,
Who in times of uncertainty and qualm Has always been my stronghold.
My flesh My Sin transgressions revealed,
mirroring my trust in man And Lack in God,
My Maker, My Creator, My Author,
The inventor of everything,
The architect of my desires and wants
The originator of everything good
My Most Awesome God
Knows the anguish of my soul
The over whelming darkness That sweeps the ground beneath me
Knocking me back to plummet through the pit of despair.
Though even in darkness I see His light
So tenderly caressing me
Yearning, longing to pull me forward
Never ceasing never forsaking. His perfect light.
Light of love casting out all fear pushing away the darkness
Waterfalls of light Surround me
My Lord my God is near
HE saves me out of my agony
restoring my spirit
My broken heart made new.
So many lessons so much to grasp
So little comprehension
Lacking clarity
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Knowledge and understanding
I cry for discernment I lift my voice for understanding
The Lord gives wisdom and from his mouth flows knowledge and understanding
But he said to me “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christs power may rest on me. That’s why for Christs sake I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties
FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, I AM MADE STRONG!

Prayers for the MOPS Families

Father God, I come before you heavy in heart, my entire being is overwhelmed with sorrow. I lift the families up before you that are involved in this tragedy, please bring comfort and peace, hold the children involved close and make yourself known to these babes. Please prompt and move your people to aide and assist in the areas in which these families will have the greatest needs, not only today but in the days to come. Bring them support! Father I thank you that I do not have to lean on my understanding, I trust in you and your grace. Please make your grace evident to all who are involved, surround us in your unceasing love. Give the dads the ability to have strength, endurance, and, perseverance, creating among them hope! Help them to lead their families through this in honor and glory, give them understanding into who you are shaping them and molding them into conquers for Christ, moving their families forward in faith. I pray for my sister in Christ who is currently in surgery, guide the doctors hands make them steady and fast. Please bring a new strength to the doctor working on my sister give him clarity of thought, and prompt his support staff to be extra attentive creating an environment where effective medical treatment can take place. Thank you for modern medicine and the miracles that happen within this realm! I pray for the nurses who will be attending to her care and needs following surgery, fill them with compassion and love for the families. God my heart is filled with gratitude as I sit in your presence! Thank you for hearing my plea!

In Jesus Name Amen!  

 

Below are a couple links to articles with information on the accident.

http://kneb.com/news/index.php?more=4y3axxhj
http://m.theindependent.com/news/local/at-least-one-killed-in-multi-vehicle-accident-on-i/article_941d8ca0-36d3-11e3-b9b9-001a4bcf887a.html?mode=jqm#.Ul9cY6q_IC8.facebook

 

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless nights, many tears, groggy mornings…
I am sure that I am not the only person out there who experiences or has experienced many nights such as these! How does one decided to function the following morning, and not only function, but do it in such a way that brings joy  to your family? My answer? You just do! It is a choice to step into the light of the new day, to see the joy and blessings in the midst of the surrounding darkness. I find that as I choose into the new day the darkness slowly fades, as the sun comes up so do I! Perhaps that’s why big windows in my house were so important to me, I am a very visual person and the light of the day always brings me a new hope.
It is not a strength that I find with in myself that gives me the ability to do such things, but it is a gift from above, from my God! He gives me the strength and endurance creating in me a new hope! I press on in his name, moving forward…
Well after saying all of that, I guess I have no excuse now, I get to get off my little hinny and bless my family today by picking up my messy house!
Until next time ~TOODLES!

New To Blogging

So I am new to this whole blogging thing, not entirely sure of what I expect or why I am even embarking on such an endeavor. I suppose that I image it will be a way of processing life at hand. A way to share my joys and sorrows as I move through the journey we call life. “Life Worth Living” my chosen title, inspired by the most incredible man I know, my Husband! We have been experiencing the most amazing adventure together, our marriage is something that I cherish deeply. He has been an amazing example to me and LIFE is worth living, it’s a gift, and our choices we make today do change our tomorrow.